we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
