my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
