Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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