it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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