you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
