My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
