I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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