i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
