Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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