I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
