im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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