my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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