I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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