my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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