Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
