Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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