my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
