16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
