I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
