well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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