im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
