her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to stick my p in your. b.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
