the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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