I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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