im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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