Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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