Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
