Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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