I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
