If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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