Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
