just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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