just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
