Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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