his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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