I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
