Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize