i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
