If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
