dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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