You just made me feel so damn special
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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