I cannot find my penis.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize