my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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