"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
