Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
