Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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