Who did Billy Mays play for?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
