fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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