Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
