Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
