You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
