I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
