Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
