I wish I could punch you in the face.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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