As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
