new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
