I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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