pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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