why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
