You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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