drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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