____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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